I cop out

[kingrat]

See, this journal was meant for me. Not for the people that read it. Oh sure I post things for other people's benefit on occasion. But my guiding principle has been my life is public. This is before the journal. Some things are best kept private because they involve other people, or general public knowledge of them may keep me from my goals. But generally speaking it's a bad idea for me to keep secrets. So I made a post this morning about how my spirit is unbalanced, as reflected in fear and procrastination. Yet I held back on saying what these things are. And I did so not because other people are involved. But because I don't want to look bad. And that itself is a bad sign my spirit is out of balance.

I don't have time to rectify it at the moment, because of work. Maybe this afternoon. Certainly before I go to bed tonight.

You may not see it, but this is all about me sliding back into the behavior of a shy, scared kid who doesn't think he is good enough. This is not reality though. But it's the fucked up mentality I lived with for years. I do not want to be that person. And I do not think I set a good example when I behave this way.