kingrat

Is 10 pm too late to call a girl to ask her out? How about if you know she gets off work at 10 pm? I hate this. I was actually accused of not being shy the other day. I was so confident a couple of hours ago. Excuses and reasons not to call are popping up really fast now. Boy, I need to do the dishes. Ack. Perhaps I can just call tomorrow. That's defeatist thinking. That's choking again. fuck fuck fuck why can't I just telepathically communicate this stuff? This would be so much easier if I was a drinker. No inhibitions. Can blame it on the alcohol if it goes badly. just 3 or 4 minutes now. actually gets out of there around 10:10 she claims. didn't want to call earlier and just leave a message cause she couldn't pick up the phone. it would suck if i went through all this crap just to get her voice mail anyway. but it would also be such a relief not to have to actually talk to her. i could just tell her to call me back tomorrow or something. is it really that much easier to do this if I am not the one who is calling? clock now says 10:10. just a couple more minutes. haven't been this jittery over a girl for a long long time. i mean, not since like Christie way back in like 92 when I had to call a friend of mine every day for 30 days to try to talk myself into asker Christie out. noone to do that with now, and who wants to wait 30 days to get asked out. didn't work then. won't work now. perhaps if i hadn't choked earlier today. 10:11. fuck the 1 key doesn't work so well either. are you glad you are reading this shit. won't you be so disappointed if I don't actually call? or will you actually identify with me if I don't? 10:12. wonder if my typing is keeping up with this with few typos. i am still correcting them as I go. 10:13. gonna call at 10:14. tick tick tick. my heart is a bomb. which wire do i cut to defuse the bomb? the red wire or the green wire. fuck fuck. that's what this feels like. those scenes in movies where the timer is going down. 10:14 now. good bye. please pray for me or whatever you do spiritually.

I have asked a couple of my female friends about this.

From Sara:

Another friend thought it might be possible she is polyamorous. That seems to be a big thing in the crowd that frequents the Mercury. I don't really get that impression from her, but you never know. I am not so sure how to approach the situation if that is the case though. I know for certain I am not interested in a polyamorous relationship. It's just not my thing. I can deal with a slow moving and casual relationship, but knowing I am one of many and having that in front of me all the time would just be too difficult.

More mulling...

I wasn't sure whether to title this "Girls are confusing" or "I am awkward." Because it's a bit of both at the moment and for once I think the "girls are confusing" aspect is the defining one.

I am awkward with women. I don't try to fight that anymore. I just go with it and if a girl doesn't find it charming, then she's just not the right girl for me. I used to be "painfully shy." in other words, I couldn't talk to a girl I was interested in for the life of me. I went seven years between girlfriends from the time I was 20 til I was 27. This is no longer the case. However, I am significantly behind the curve as far as dealing with some aspects of relationships because of the time I spent painfully shy.

So far, I've related the story of how I had to told twice to ask for Jessica's phone number. I did call her. I am not so awkward that I just sit back and not use a number given to me. We made plans to go bowling yesterday. However, between the time that we made those plans and the actual day, I ran into her at the Mercury. She flirted heavily with another guy in front of me. By flirted, I mean, stuck her tongue down his throat and groped in such a manner that I am surprised if he did not lose it right there. All well and good I suppose. It's not that I thought something was most definitely going to happen between the two of us, but it was a signal to me that nothing was going to happen.

So the plan was to go bowling yesterday. At once point on Wednesday, Jessica's friend Shirley was supposed to come along (yet another sign this was not "a date"). So I invited Jason, but later Shirley cancelled. It ended up being me, Jason and Jessica. Bowling was fun. I came in second all three games. She talked us into going to Neighbours for "Latin Night." I agreed primarily because Shirley was there. We danced at Neighbours, the Vogue, and drank at the Mercury, before having breakfast at IHOP. After which Jessica split off and stayed the night at another male friend's place.

So now here's where it gets interesting. Jessica called me today, and we chatted for a while. Mostly about what she could do for a date she has with a dentist tonight. The original plan was to have an evening date, but she got the day off and was planning on calling him to suck him in for the afternoon. That didn't work out. She called me back and told me she and I and another mutual friend were going to go to NW Folk Life. Fine with me, I didn't have anything planned. I show up and the mutual friend has already cancelled.

Wait, did I say it was getting interesting in the last paragraph? I did. I was wrong. This is the paragraph where it gets interesting. We hung out all afternoon, got some good, checked out a moving sale, got some coffee, hung out on her veranda, and then curled up in bed and took a nap together. Right. There was nothing sexual, but the vibe has changed a little and I don't know what to make of it.

I like the girl. She is fun, pretty smart, and no-nonsense. Not to mention the hottest girl I have ever been in a bed with. (Wait, I did just mention that.) But I just don't know what to make of this now. Cause curling up in bed with a guy you just met on a purely friendly basis just doesn't really make much sense to me. But the needle hasn't swung to the other end of the compass either.

I should metnion again that I like her friend Shirley a lot too. But the friend is younger (21) and that makes things iffier in my book.

So the largest part of me wants to sit down and have a talk with the girl. Or ask her out on a real date. Perhaps both. Something to clear this up. I have to mull on this a while to see the next step. This is where I wish I weren't so awkward, because I woulde have a good idea on how to clear this up, or whether she was playing me or just undecided or just wanting to be friends and oblivious to her specific effect on me.

So the girl I was flirting with last Wednesday at the Mercury is named Jessica. She formerly dated Jerry. So I called her tonight. A lotta small talk. I dunno what she thinks of me exactly, but we are going to go bowling next Sunday. We shall see. . . .

By the way, for those of you who I've set to allow reading this (and other entries) this stuff isn't really private. I just refuse to use LiveJournal as a drama depiction. And I also do not like to do my dating in public. But if someone says "Phil said somethign about a girl he met the other night, do you know wo that was?" by all means answer the question.