Things we have no control over

I am white. I am damn white. In the racial sense, but mostly I am talking about in the pigment sense. In other words, I don't tan. I get very little sun. When I do get sun, I burn. Then the red goes away and I am left with white (or translucent). It doesn't turn into a tan. People joke about my color all the time. I get made fun of. I hear "Damn you're white" and "You need some color" and other such statements all the time.

You know what? I don't mind. Why? Because my self esteem doesn't depend on the concurrence of people around me. Feel free to make fun of me. Make fun of my color. Make fun of my intelligence. Make fun of my dancing. Do not make fun of my cat. Last girlfriend found that one out (buh bye!). Make fun of my penis size!

I grew up with shitty self esteem. I grew up thinking I was very plain. I still don't have such great self esteem. It's better now. But here's the thing, self esteem comes from within. It does not come from outside. My self esteem did not improve because other people affirmed me, or because I wasn't made fun of. It improved because I started doing things that made me feel good about myself. Not a thing that anyone else did.

Yes, this is inspired by something on the crack bored. You figure what if you are all that interested.

Wimer benefit

I really wanted to ask someone out who was at the benefit show last night, but I couldn't really think of how to do it. This afternoon, it occurred to me that I should have asked her for her phone number. Doh! Sometimes I think I am just missing something as far as dating goes, because I do such odd things and never really remember how to play the game. And yes, there are definitely some game play aspects to the whole thing, even though I don't really view it as a game. If I want to be successful, I need to learn a few moves. Learn to behave in certain ways in order to be clear that I am interested. The alternative is to approach every woman I am interested in and to tell them I am interested. Maybe not the most effective way.

So I hope she is out again tonight. Now that the phone number thing actually occurs to me, and I have time to think about it, I have time to get scared and chicken out. I do much better when I think of such things at the moment, so I can do them before fear arises.