Dating ethics

[kingrat]

So I have a crush on a girl. This is a common occurrence. I pretty much get a crush on every reasonably attractive girl I meet. At least for a little bit. I generally tend not to do anything about these crushes because I know that my perceptions are off during this phase. I will miss the "little" things (that aren't really that little) about a person in my haste to fall in love.

But with some women I pass through this phase and am still attracted. So I should do something about it right? Well, in my case I probably won't becausde I am also a chicken-shit. But that's not the point of this entry. In some cases, I will ask the woman out or make a pass of some kind.

So here's the situation. I have a crush on a couple of women currently. At least one of them has returned attention, although I have no idea if her intentions are as dishonorable as I hope. She could be just looking for a friend. On the other side of the prism, another girl has expressed interest in me. She has invited me back to her place a few times. I haven't taken her up on this though because I don't want to end up romantically linked before I am ready. I like her a lot, but I do not really have a crush on her. I would go out on a date or two with her at least. In fact, we've done a few things platonically.

So when do I have to pick? Do I have to pick? I am not one of those kind of people who can be in "poly" relationships. Cause even if we aren't an official item, once I've progressed to kissing a girl in anything more than a drunken or party-like atmosphere, I feel guilty if I am looking elsewhere. Like I should give this one a chance without interference. And I don't want to keep a girl around as a "backup plan" so to speak.

Anyway, not really sure where this is going. Just musing.

Comments

[evillinn.livejournal.com]

I've thought about stuff like that a lot, recently actually. After 14 years of serial monogamy I'm trying out this whole "dating" thing and so far I'm enjoying spending time with different people witout too much obligation hanging over it. I have, however, wondered what would happen if I were to decide I was ready to do more than "just date" or whether or not that even comes up with people that do the "just dating" thing.
The only conclusion I've come to in my own situation is that when something needs to happen I will know and I can trust my instincts as long as I'm being calm and methodical about listening to them.
You are a very reasonable person and, as far as I've seen, you don't let your emotions rule you. I think you are safe to follow your "heart" or "instincts" or whatever you want to call them. If you are crushy over someone, take a leap, see what happens. If you just aren't feeling that way about someone, trust that too.
And you didn't respond to my guesses....which I know were wrong. ;)

[kingrat]

heh. yes I did. I just posted this before I sent the email.

you don't let your emotions rule you.

Is this code for "thinks too much?" heh. that's the other thing I think about. then i think too much about whether it think too much about that. someone slap me.

Re:

[evillinn.livejournal.com]

;) No, its code for "you don't get ahead of yourself"

finishing my reply to your e-mail...