Mood momentum

[kingrat]

Last summer was really rough for me. While taking care of my grandparents was stressful, a lot of the time I could power through the part where it brought me down. I had stuff to do and people’s lives depended on it. But after they died, I went into depression for months. I couldn’t deal with other people hardly at all. For example, I stopped checking if people wanted to take my extra ticket to the Sounders games. I didn’t want to negotiate over whether they could go, where to meet before, etc. So I just went alone.

That passed somewhat in the fall, but I’ve been been up and down since then. Over the years, my mood swings were smoother because I had close friends who I was able to call on. When I was in Idaho, it was the people I sobered up with. Here it has been Jason. Without those daily influences, I hole up a lot. It’s not a deep depression. I’m able to function. But a lot of stuff doesn’t get done, and I tend to do only the things that need doing now.

I’ve actually had a few days in a row now where I’ve felt good. I have a side job that I can focus on, for one. I’ve gotten myself out walking. I cooked today. (I know, I wrote I was going to cook 3 times a week. I’ve not stuck to that.) I’m about to suit up and go out for the evening. The last month I’ve generally felt better.

I don’t know if the momentum is something that builds on itself, if doing something help me do something else. Or perhaps it’s just that my moods have a natural frequency and not a virtuous cycle. I really hope it’s the former.

crossposted from King Rat.

Comments

[loopback.livejournal.com]

My .02 for what it is worth:

I don't have significant or life-affecting mood swings, but I have seen that it's a combination. On the one hand, I've got times when I am 'up' and really cranking out stuff and being active, and other times when I just want to hole up and be left the hell alone.

But if I'm in the midst of doing lots of stuff (and not feeling overwhelmed/burnt out, which is a big driver of 'fuck this, I'm hiding' for me), I can get thru the 'down' times on pure momentum of doing stuff leading to doing more stuff.

So I think it's a combination. There's a cycle & a peak/trough process for your level of energy/desire/drive, but you can get the peaks to be higher & last longer, and make the troughs shallower and shorter if you keep the momentum going.

Which, I suppose, amounts to an answer of, "both. neither. it depends."

I like to help?

[a-muse-d.livejournal.com]

i wish i could be there for you.. i've done what little i can. it's been nice to see you the few times this summer that i have.. and the couple of times you've lit up while we've had conversations have been extremely precious to me. i hope you find more happiness in your life.